Is It A Death Worth Living?
by Spazztic
Summary: What if one were to visit the Cullens after one were changed. And what if that one didn't fall for the love of one's life until the very last minute of one's safety. What if that one had a mysterious past, and that one's past came back to haunt her.Rated
1. Prologue

Disclaimer- I own no original character.

If I could cry, I would be right now. I sat on the floor of the bathroom, looking at my scattered clothing just lying there. My life was depressing, I had nothing to live, or die for. My existence was worthless. I am now a new student at a high school in a town that has something to do with a kitchen utensil. Score.


	2. I needed to accept myself

Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight. Or anything for that matter.

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Oh great. I get to move, again. My so called family decided to call this clan somewhere else, and told them I'm supposed to go stay with them. Oh joy.

I ran to the closest bathroom, and locked myself in there. I just wanted to be alone. I tried to be happy, but I just can't when they are showing me the door and kicking me out. And all because of them, here I sit, on the bathroom floor with nothing but with my stuffed animal. I squeezed the stuffed Eeyore tightly. If I could cry, I would. I thought of these girls as sisters. And what do they do? Kick me out. Is this really a death worth living for? I might as well go to this new town, what was it called? I don't know, but it did have something to do with a kitchen.

I finally stood up, and went to go pack my clothes. All my gorgeous, but covering clothes. I grabbed two large duffle bags and threw the clothes in there as fast as I possibly could. I didn't agree with what I was as well as most others, but it was nifty sometimes.

As soon as I finished, I couldn't get out of this house fast enough. I threw my duffle bags into the back of my yellow BMW and sped off. I didn't know where to go. I just knew to go to Washington state.

Dang, what was that town called?

After a couple hours, I drove through three states, and remembered the town. It was Forks. Weird name. As I was pulling into Forks city limits, I heard an annoying siren sound behind me, and saw I was being followed by a cop. Great. I pulled over, gave him all the necessary information. Cursed him when he turned his back, and only got away with a warning. Okay, good looks come in common.

Okay. This is it. I'm here. I can't back out now. I sucked in a shaky breath, and knocked on the front door. A motherly looking woman greeted me. "Hello." I mumbled quietly. Only two of them were here. The motherly one, and a man who looked to be in his twenties. They introduced themselves as Carlisle and Esme. I told them my name, than went to where they said was supposed to be my room. One large bed, a couch, a large closet, a full-length mirror, a great view, and a nice warm feeling to the room. How nice.

I knew I couldn't take it any longer. I turned to the mirror, I had been this way for a little over thirty years, I had to accept it now. And now only. I was Isabella Johnson. Isabella Johnson, the vampire.

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I hope you guys are liking this story so far. I by far like this Bella more. This is a Bella that is more like me.


	3. Questions

Disclaimer- I don't own anything.

I waltzed down stairs after unpacking my clothes, and my Eeyore. The one named Esme herded me into the living room, in there sat six vampires, with the seventh by my side. "Shall I introduce you?" Esme asked.

I shook my hand, and went from right to left. Carlisle, I knew him. Emmett, he already seemed like a brother to me. Rosalie, wow, what's up her butt? Alice, aw, she's so tiny. Jasper, Alice and him are so cute together. And Edward, I didn't know what to think of him. When I walked in the room, he froze and he smiled. Was that good? I don't know. Up, wait I feel a nifty power coming on. I tapped into his mind, '_wow. She's….inhumanly pretty._' Hm. I never thought of myself as pretty. Just average. I stopped reading his mind, I shouldn't be able to do that.

I sat down on the ground and crossed my legs. I decided I might as well try to be happy. "So, don't you have any questions for the new girl?" Just as I finished asking that question, they all erupted.

"Whoa, one at a time. I will call on a person and they get one question. So make it good." I smiled sweetly.

I scanned the room for a person. "How about Alice."

"Do you like shopping?" Everyone rolled their eyes, but I laughed.

"Yes, I do like shopping. How about Emmett now."

"Do you like to wrestle?"

I smiled smugly, "I love to wrestle. Rosalie?"

"What's your power" she questioned aloofly.

Ugh. I was hoping no one would ask that. "I am sensitive to people using their power on me, I can feel it. I can put thoughts in peoples heads, I can choose to be immune to other powers, and I can read minds." When I said my last power I looked away from Edward. "Jasper, your turn." I mentioned quickly.

"How about this, what is your strongest emotion?"

I squirmed a bit. I knew my strongest emotions were fear, insecurity, alone, and unwanted, but I wouldn't let them know that. I chose one of the top four. "The emotion of being alone." I admitted.

"Carlisle, your turn."

"Why did someone change you?" He asked curiously.

"They were cruel." That was half true. He accepted my half lie.

"Esme?"

"Do you play the piano?" I laughed at that.

This was the easiest question, just a one word reply. "No."

I saved Edward for last, "Edward." I regretted looking at him. I refused to acknowledge why.

He seemed intrigued, why, I have no clue. "Why are you so afraid of being alone?"

I gulped. I blurted out the first thing I though of, "Don't we all?"

Everyone turned to talk to one another, but Edward was still looking at me curiously. I had to leave. "I'm going to go do something in my room." I called out and headed upstairs.


	4. Alone

Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight.

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As soon as I reached my room, I closed the door and sat on the bed. I heard a soft knock on my door. "Go away." I simply said, but they didn't. They walked right in. I felt a figure sit on the edge of my bed behind me.

"No, I don't want to go away." I heard that voice. That heavenly voice. I smiled to myself, than it faded before I turned around and faced Edward.

"What?" I questioned, a bit cranky.

He seemed taken aback. He laid his hand on my knee, "Get dressed. We leave for school in thirty minutes."

My eyes got wide. "School?!" I screamed. "I've been going to school for thirty years!" I continued.

Edward's face twisted into a smile. "Get dressed, it won't be too bad. You won't ever be alone, trust me."

I agreed, and changed into my hot pink and black pajama Bermuda shorts, the matching tank top, black flip-flops, and sunglasses. I pulled my dyed blonde hair into a bun, and was ready to go. It was time to go, and I slid in next to Edward in his Volvo. He seemed surprised, but pleased.

"I'm holding you to your promise." I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

Once we were at the highschool, and I got all my papers, I found out I had all my classes with Edward. That was good. All went well, I sent next to him in every class but Biology. I was sent to my own lab table. I had it all to myself. I was, I gulped, alone. I was dazed the whole class and found the cafeteria with Edward by my side. I sat down next to him, not even bothering to pretend to eat.

I was thinking hard about something when Edward nudged me, and told me to not listen to Lauren. I didn't know what he was talking about, so I continued thinking. What I didn't expect to hear was an annoying voice call out to the whole cafeteria. "Little Miss Isabella Johnson had a desk to herself in Biology, and now she is crying about it." The whole cafeteria laughed but the Hales and the Cullens.

Edward attempted to hold me, but I did something I did not expect.

I ran away.


	5. Terrified

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight, New Moon, blah blah blah. 

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Bella ran human speed until she got outside, than she ran as fast as she could to what she has to now call home. She flashed through her room, and grabbed her stuffed animal before locking herself in the bathroom.

EDWARD POINT OF VIEW.

I was fuming at that comment. I stood up swiftly and called her name before starting to jog after her. But I turned for a little detour to where Lauren was sitting, now the center of attention. All the girls patting her back and congratulating her, and the guys glaring at her. I swiftly sat down next to her, and made a brief attempt at flirting. I waited until she was dazzled, and all her friends were in shock. "You know what Lauren?"

"What?" she sighed, leaning into me.

I leaned towards her and pretended to almost kiss her. "You're an ass." I smiled swiftly, and stood up.

I left the cafeteria before she even registered what I even said. Once I was out of the building, I followed Bella's scent all the way home. I followed her scent through her room to the bathroom. I walked over, and sat on the ground, leaning my back on the door.

"Are you okay?" I asked gently.

I heard sniffing. I knew that if she could cry, she would be. "No. I hate her. Can I kill her, and than move?"

I laughed.

"I wasn't joking." I heard. Her voice could freeze lava into an ice cube.

"Uh-huh. Well, will you tell me why you are afraid of being alone?" I asked in my most alluring voice.

"Not a chance, you wasted your question yesterday. The past is the past; there is nothing we can change. We just have to change our future, mold it into what we want." I heard she say quietly.

"Very well spoken." I noted.

"But, my future is going to be crud."

"Why?" I inquired.

"I'm a horrible artist." I heard her giggle, and sigh.

I laughed loudly at that. "I could give you art lessons." I suggested. I heard the dropping of something, someone, or something jumping on something. And the thing that alarmed me was Bella's loud, high-pitched, truly scared scream.

I got up quickly. "What's wrong?" I asked, alerted.

"Unlock the door, it is above the mantle." She screamed.

I unlocked the door, and I saw what terrified her.

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CLIFFY!


	6. A phobia

Disclaimer- Geeze. I think I should write this on a piece of paper, and shove it up your ear, so it's stuck in your head. I DON'T OWN ANYTHING.

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BELLA POINT OF VIEW.

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Edward walked in the see me leaning on the wall, with my stuffed animal in the sink. "What?" he asked alarmed.

I scanned my mind for excuses. "I thought I saw a spider," I lied brightly. "I've got to go do something." I grabbed my stuffed animal and headed in my room.

Once I was in there, I grabbed a quilt off the bed, and covered my mirror completely.

I must avoid mirrors when possible. I heard a quiet knock on my door. "What?" I snapped.

Edward walked in. "So, you have a phobia of spiders?"

Geeze, my lie came back to bite me. I decided to play along. "Yup, terrified." I commented icily.

Edward didn't know what to do. He glared at me. "What is wrong?" he demanded.

I crossed my arms and leaned back. Come on, this guy could not take me. I lived in the gangster-infested state before this. "Nothing is wrong."

He wouldn't accept it. "I read your thoughts. You are hiding something, now what is it?" I mentally kicked myself. I closed my eyes, and pinched the bridge of my nose. As I thought about it, I became immune to all 'powers' being used on me.

I cocked my head to one side. "What do you think is going on?"

"All I know is that you get really cranky, than you get all depressed because you were alone in one class, you screamed because you thought you saw a spider. You get in weird mood changes, and just." He paused. "I don't know. I just want to know what's going on." He laid his cool hand on my shoulder.

I shrugged it off, and he looked sad. I internally kicked myself. "It's my load to carry, not yours."

"I could help."

"Not a chance, my problems. Now get out of my room before you get a stiletto heel up your butt." I added seriously.

At that, I watched Edward walk to his room.


	7. Internal Conflict

Disclaimer- I am going to stop with the disclaimers. You know I don't own Twilight or New Moon. I will let you know when my evil plan to own Twilight goes into action though. 

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I needed to think. And the best way to think is braiding something. I pushed things aside in my duffle bag and found what I was looking for, my hemp thread. I cut off four even pieces, knotted it up at the end, and tied it to the doorknob. I started on square knots. Left, under, right-_pull._

Why can't I open up to anyone-_pull_. If I want help-_pull._ I need to tell people why-_pull_. I am afraid to be alone-_pull._ They are going to think I'm crazy-_pull._ I mean, I already think of some of them as family-_pull_. And family members are supposed to tell the truth-_pull._ Right? -_pull. _Well, whatever I'm supposed to do-_pull_. I'm not. They will pity me-_pull._ And I can't let that happen-_pull._ I hate pitying. It is almost as bad as not telling the truth-_pull._ Uh-oh. This isn't good.-_pull. _

I put down the knotting as sat on the couch.

'I lie to my new family. If I tell them, they would pity me. I can't let that happen. I just can't.' I sighed. **'go tell them now, it's not too late.' **I sighed. Why did I have to have internal conflicts. "No." I said aloud. '**yes.'** The voice simply said. I crossed my arms. "Fine."

I got up and walked into the living room, and called out in a normal voice. "Could I see all of you in the living room?" A second later, they were all in the living room. To my surprise, Alice came up and hugged me. Explaining that she already saw, and she was going to support me.

"I've been lying to you all."


	8. Confessions

I heard Rosalie snort. I turned and glared at her. Before I continued on with my truth telling while I was still on the high. "I'm a murderer." I said quietly, biting my lip. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward's mouth drop.

"Bella, just open up. It's okay." I heard Jasper say. He must control emotions, I thought. I refused his power.

"The man who changed me, was my mom's boyfriend. He decided he actually wanted to be with me. Before I was changed, he took my alone and did stuff to me. Bad stuff." I said, lifting my shirt so they could see the ugly scars that covered my abdomen. They all gasped. "He didn't mean to change me, but he did. And, as soon as he did, I murdered him. He hurt me, and he killed my mom. My imagination still imagines him. Mostly when I am feeling alone, I see him. It always scares me to death." I sat down on the ground, and covered my eyes. "Before my mom died, she told me she loved him. And also told me to never fall in love. Because of that man, I feel unwanted. As soon as he did this to me, he tried to kill me, than left me alone. And he was a vampire. He wasn't easy to kill, but I managed. I feel real insecure at times, and I have a fear of all men, being alone, and" I paused, "Falling in love."

I hoped they all understood. I hung my head in shame. I cried tearless sobs. "If you want to kick me out, I understand. They did that at my last home." I mentioned. I felt a chorus of 'never'. I felt cold arms wrapped around me, I looked up and saw Edward, than Alice, than Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, Carlisle, and Esme. I smiled. I felt…loved. "Thank you guys." They all squeezed me tighter before letting be go. Edward kept his seat by me, as did Alice.

I now felt very awkward, and paranoid. I read their thoughts quickly, and found out that they were not judging me. I sighed in relief, and laid my head of Edward's stone cold shoulder. I looked at the clock, and stood up.

"Where are you going?" Edward asked.

"School."

"No, you're not. It is sunny today."

I smiled. "Alright, what do you want to do then?" I realized everyone left by pairs, leaving Edward and I.


	9. Teenage Drama Queen

"Are you wondering where we are going yet?" I heard Edward ask. I smiled and looked at him.

"Yeah, I'm pretty anxious." I said. To tell the truth, I wasn't thinking about that at all.

"Look," he mumbled quietly as he pulled a brush aside. I crept up to the open walkway. I hid my amazement well. I looked around aloofly.

"It's alright." I looked at him, he looked sad. I went to the middle of the perfect, circular meadow and lay down. I crossed my legs, and threw my arms behind my head, and closed my eyes. Ah, the heat feels wonderful. How could I lie to them about why I was afraid of falling in love? Hey, at least everything else was true. I know the real reason to be afraid to fall in love is I saw what love can do. Turn you into a preppy, happy go lucky, stupid, hyper girl. But how I yearned to be able to tell all my secrets to someone, and have someone look at me the way Jasper looks at Alice, or like Emmett looks at Rosalie. I mean…

My thoughts were interrupted when I felt a splash of water land on me. I squealed. I opened my eyes and saw Edward's heartbreaking crooked smile. "I'M GOING TO GET YOU!" I cried, getting up and chasing him around the round meadow, at a human speed jog. It was that much easier to keep human pace in public, if I kept that speed in private.

After I got Edward back for dumping water on me, we finally went back to his house. Oh poo. I just got really hyper. It was officially three pm. They had never seen me hyper, and not to exaggerate, they were afraid of me. Well, all but Alice. I'm really starting to like her now, who knew?

I decided to go shopping with her, after her millionth time of asking. It wasn't as bad as I heard it would be. I mean, I like shopping; I just don't go very much. Good thing we both took both of our cars. They were both filled with shopping bags, literally. So, once we got home…. Wait; did I just call this place home? Weird. Anyway. After Alice and I put away all of our clothes, we went our separate ways. She to Emmett, and me to the couch, a blanket, and a chick flick. After I watched Romeo and Juliet, The Notebook, I decided to put in Saw. Time for a good horror film.

I was so engrossed in the movie, I wasn't even paying attention. Out of the blue, I felt a pair of could arms wrap around my shoulders. I screamed and saw Edward. "Why are you doing this!"? I screamed, after pausing the movie, and standing up.

"It's fun," he shrugged. He attempted to sit down next to me, since I plopped back down on the couch.

"No it is not, and do not sit next to me. I hate you right now." He smiled.

"What can I do for you to like me?" He questioned.

"I'll consider having neutral feelings, if you go sit somewhere else." I retorted.

He sighed, and gave me a wounded face. I snorted. "None of that now. Scoot." He stood up and walked over to the other couch.

I continued watching the movie, and Edward often tried to comment, but I shushed him without hesitation. I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. I screamed again. "Um, sorry. I just came down to see what you were watching, I didn't mean to scare you." Emmett stammered, backing away slowly with both hands in the air.

"What is with this family touching me during movies, now shush." I snapped. I finished watching the movie. The two-hour movie, took four hours with this families obsessive 'Scare Bella' ritual.

The next day I had to go to school. Nothing really changed, except every male associated with Lauren bravely came up and apologized. I smiled, and accepted their apologies. Some often tried flirting with me, and asked me out. I just smiled, and told them if I was ever looking for a date, or relationship, I would go to them first.

Other then that, nothing else was really different. I rode with Alice after school, and we went to the library. I checked out a dozen books, or more. Alice just laughed at what a nerd I was. But, who checks out a dozen or more books at a time? She had a reason.

Day by day, I saw my eyes gently turn to black. Good thing I was well controlled with my feeding. Not really immune, but I can handle it, even in the most intense situations. I asked everyone if they would go hunting with me, only Alice, Edward, and Emmett agreed to go with me.

I was finished before they were. I felt bloated. I just sat on a fallen over tree, and pulled out my old copy of Wicked. Man, I must of first got this book when they first published it. Wow. I started reading it for the millionth time, I was a couple chapters into the book, when Emmett came and sat down next to me. Waiting for the others. "Emmett," I questioned, putting my book back into my back.

"Hmmm?" He looked at me.

"Why does Rosalie have problem with me? I mean, I don't care, I just want to know why."

"She thinks I'm going to leave her for you." He laughed, and I joined in.

"Why? The most I would ever think of any of you guys are as brothers, or sisters."

"I know. I tried telling her that, but nooooo." He stood up stiffly.

"They're coming?" I questioned, he nodded. "I hear them too."

Edward and Alice walked out of the forest, and we all ran home. Edward was just too quiet, and Alice wasn't her usual bubbly self. What could be going on?

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Does this make up for all the short chapters?

I know it is kind of scattered. I apologize.


	10. Should I or Shouldnt I

I am not sure if I should continue this story.

Message me, or review to let me know your opinion if I should continue!


	11. Blast From The Past

You got your wish, I will continue. But this chapter is just a filler until I have time to really write a chapter.

I'm going out of town in two weeks, and after this, I won't be able update until Tuesday of next week. 

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I wondered constantly what was wrong with Edward and Alice, after a couple hours, Alice was back to normal. But, Edward was still abnormally quiet. I tried talking to him about it, but he changed the subject, and told me to get ready for school.

I went to my room, still deep in thought, I saw my half done square knots, and chuckled. Wow. Did I actually giggle? Yes I did. It feels good having people know the truth. I dressed casually in jeans and a black tank top. I threw my hot pink raincoat on over it, and headed out to Edward's car after fixing my hair.

"Edward, don't lie to me. What were you and Alice talking about earlier?" I questioned, staring at him. Man, he was gorgeous.

He frowned when he looked at me. "Nothing, Alice was just bummed that one of her visions didn't come true."

"Yeah sure, and I am Jessica Alba." I cracked. I was tired of him being 'Mr. PMS' right now.

After we were both sitting down in English, Mike came up, and sat on the desk. "Hey Bella."

"Hey." I mumbled, looking for my pencil.

"Do you want to go to the parent, student dance with me tomorrow night, I know it's short notice, but…"

All I knew was that he finished talking, so I just said "okay." In the, okay, I'm not really listening to you, but just go away, kind of okay.

"Great! I'll talked to you after class."

"Mmmm. Bye." I found my pencil. "AHA!" I said loudly. I found that wretched little pencil.

I looked at Edward, and he was looking at me like I grew a fifth head. "What?"

"You just agreed to go on a date with Mike Newton." I felt my jaw drop to the ground.

"What?" I turned and looked at him, and found him staring at me. I smiled, and turned back to Edward. "I was looking for my pencil and wasn't paying attention." I explained. "Why else would I go out with…….that?"

"I know you were, but he didn't know. I agree. Why would you go out with that." He chuckled.

After class Mike came up to me. "Mike, I have to tell you something about your….our date tomorrow." I said.

"I know isn't it great? I just realized, my dad went out with a Bella."

"That's fun, what is your dad's name?"

"Mitch Newton."(I don't know what his real name is, so excuse this if it's wrong.)

I felt my jaw drop. "I can't go actually. Sorry. Bye!"

I ran out to Edward's car. When he saw my face, he laughed. I threw my backpack in the back, and glared at him. He stopped immediately.

"What is that face for?"

"I dated Mike's dad in the 70's."

His face twisted into a crooked smile, and he laughed so hard.

"Wait, you have got to hear the whole story."

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I will explain the story in the next chapter, don't worry.


	12. Memories and Realization

"Well, if you are finally going to listen, I will tell you the story." I said as I watched Edward pull over her car at the pavements end.I was confused, "Where are we?" I asked, and looked at him.

He smiled at me. "You talk, and I'll walk us there." I nodded in agreement.

"Well, it was in the seventies, and you can picture me as a real hippie, without the drugs though. It was fun. But, I was just sitting at some lecture at school, and started talking to the guy next to me.

FLASHBACK.

Mike's dad's POINT OF VIEW.

I was starting to get annoyed at this lecture. I looked to the girl to my left; she caught my eye and smiled. I leaned over, "Hey, I'm Mitch." I whispered to her. She smiled.

"Bella." She replied. She was beautiful, I thought.

"Are you getting bored of this too?"

She nodded, and sighed. I looked at her golden eyes.

After a couple months of just chatting with her, I was in love.

_Love, love, love,_

_Love, love, love._

I was planning on asking her to marry me. I think tonight would be the perfect night. I invited her over for a dinner. She said she had something important to tell me, maybe, she was going to talk about marriage too, I thought eagerly.

_Woo!_

She came to dinner, dressed in colorful pants. "You look groovy." (It's an inside joke with my friend.) She smiled, but it looked pained.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked, maybe it would explain her reaction.

"You first." She mumbled.

"Well, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to get married."

_You were everything I ever wanted._

_Everything a girl could be._

"Married? We were just friends the whole time we've known each other."

I got a bit upset. "What, why?"

"Because. I'm leaving."

"Is there another guy?" I questioned. I was getting mad now.

"Sure, lets say that." She yelled and stood up. "You're still my friend, could you at least see me off tomorrow?" she asked.

"Fine. What time?"

"Three." She said curtly than left.

_Now you don't mean a thing to me._

_All I ever wanted was your_

_Love, love, love, love, love, love._

At three the next day, I strolled to Bella's apartment. She was finishing packing her bags. Before I walked inside, I looked at the raining sky."Bella?" I called as I walked in the door.

"In my room." I heard, and I followed her voice. I saw her dressed warmly, and she looked at me.

"Where are you going?"

"Forks. It's a town in Washington."

"Okay. Be safe."

"Bye." She said, I noticed how she didn't return my 'be safe' like she normally would. I walked out, and headed home.

_Hate is a strong word,_

_But I really, really, really don't like you,_

_Now that it's over,_

_I don't even know what I liked about you._

I thought about how I let her borrow some money so she could buy that apartment. I was her friend, and she was my life. She just turned me down, as easily as you would throw away a tissue.

_Brought you around,_

_And you just brought me down._

After all this thinking, I believe I've come to one conclusion. I, being the gentlemen I was raised to be decide that..

_Hate is a strong word,_

_But I really, really, really, really, really don't like you._

_I really, really don't like you._

I remember how I would take you out to the park when it was raining, of course the rain always made you happy, and we would play tag. I remember your giggle, you were always so happy. When I was sick, you would always bring me soup, make me laugh, and I soon feel better after a little action that showed you cared about me.

_Thought that everything was perfect._

_Isn't that how it's supposed to be?_

_Thought you thought that I was worth it._

_Now I think a little differently._

_All I wanted was your_

_Love, love, love, love, love, love._

I then realized what I had to do. I had to pack my bags, and head over to Forks, and hurt her the same way she hurt me.

_Hate is a strong word,_

_But I really, really, really don't like you._

_Now that it's over,_

_I don't even know what I liked about you._

I arrived at Forks, it wasn't much. But, she moved here, so I just how to find her. Maybe she didn't have any money, and was living on the streets, or in Port Angeles with a friend, I thought. Maybe that friend will loan her money, then she'll shatter their hearts into a million pieces.

_I brought you around,_

_And you just brought me down._

_Hate is a strong word,_

_But I really, really, really, really don't like you._

I drove to Port Angeles, and spotted her, stirring her spoon around a filled, steaming hot teacup. She was reading a book, and looked very thoughtful. Maybe because of the book, or maybe she just regretted leaving me. I stomped into the restaurant, and looked at her. She seemed surprised when she saw me. That surprise quickly turned to hateful glares. "What are you doing here?" she hissed.

_Now that it's over,_

_You can't hurt me._

"I'm over you. I don't love you anymore." I stated simply. I felt my heart shatter all over again.

"Good, because I never loved you." She hissed, and marked her place in her book and put it next to her.

_Now that it's over,_

_You can't bring me down._

When I looked at her eyes, my heart shattered even more. I would never see those eyes again. I had to leave now, or else I will fall to my knees and beg for her back. Abort, abort. I turned to leave, but I needed something to remember her by. I grabbed the book on her seat, and ran out.

_All I ever wanted was your_

_Love, love ,love, love, love, love._

I walked to my motel room, and slowly burned all the pictures we took together. They hurt my heart, and my finger. But the finger pain was only when I burnt my finger.

_Hate is a strong word,_

_But I really, really, really don't like you._

_Now that it's over,_

_I don't even know what I liked about you._

Love is a complex thing. I only know that because you can only truly fall in love with one person, everyone else, you just settle for.

_Brought you around,_

_And you just brought me down._

I truly loved Isabella. I never knew her last name, but I just knew I loved her. But that hasn't changed. She broke my heart, but she took half of it with her. I still have feelings for her, and probably always will. Just because I love her, doesn't mean I have to like her.

_Hate is a strong word,_

_But I really, really, really, really don't like you._

I decided to stay in Forks, even after Bella left town.

_I really don't like you._

It's not much to look at, but it's very homey.

_I really don't like you._

It's here, in Forks, which I decided to settle with a girl.

_I really don't like you._

I don't love her like I did Bella, but she accepted my proposal.

END FLASHBACK.

BELLA POINT OF VIEW.

"Edward, I never loved him. I always thought of him as a friend. But I can't see him at that dance thing."

"I understand…now." He chuckled. I looked into his copper eyes, and I saw love.

"Do..do .." I stuttered. "Do you love me?" I asked. Why else would he look at me like that?

He smiled, and if her could blush, I bet he would be. He took both my small hands, into his larger ones. "Yes, Bella, I do."

I leaned into his chest and thought a minute, and came up with an answer. "I might love you. I never felt these feelings before, so I don't know." I mumbled into his chest.

He chuckled and stroked my hair, "Let me know when you know."

"I will," I mumbled. I know vampires can't sleep, but I closed my eyes, and just relaxed and pretended like I could.

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Geeze. Longest chapter ever! I was able to update faster then I thought. I want a LOT of reviews for this chapter. It was my first long chapter, and my first song fic. If you can tell me who this song is by, and what it is called, you win a cookie. Leave a lot of reviews or I won't continue.


	13. A Note to Pass

OH MY GOODNESS! I'm sorry I haven't updated in SO long. I really didn't mean to leave you guys all alone without a new chapter. I have family visiting, school related issues, dealing with people at the stable I go to, and my sister's boyfriend broke his back in a 4-wheeler accident (But thankfully, he can walk, talk, and do everything but lift things. 3). So basically my life is pretty busy, and I will start working on updating all of my stories, and I will try to get an extremely long chapter for each of them.

**Once again, I'm SOOOO sorry, I'm not used to having stories on here.**

**-Ani**


	14. Guess What

Author's note- Ohmygoodness. Sorry I couldn't update sooner. I've been so busy.

Song of the chapter- Paralyzer by Finger Eleven

Quote of the chapter- "Hey, hey, we can all fight when we're drunk!" –unknown

Edward took me home after awhile of just sitting together. I sighed when I saw the house come into view. "Let's go on vacation, or something, anything." He looked at me strangely; he could probably hear the desperation in my voice. I could see his eyebrows pull together, and I started to worry. He shook his head.

"I don't think that's a good idea." He said, with his eyes becoming distant. He reached for my hand, but I pulled it out just as quickly as he grabbed it. I felt my face become distorted. "I don't mean it like that, I mean…" Realization hit me.

"What did Alice see when we went hunting?" I asked in a low voice. He closed his eyes as he parked the car in the garage. I watched him carefully get out of the car, and walk to his room. "What the freak?" I screamed and followed him. It was obvious he refused to answer me, so might as well go to the source herself. As I followed Edward into the house, I slammed the door behind me. "Where is Alice?" I murmured. I knew that they would have heard me.

Alice walked down the stairs with an innocent expression, innocent my butt. She grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door. She knew she caused trouble for Edward and I, you could see it in her eyes. She must have seen it. I glared at her. "What did you see?" I asked menacingly. She turned around when we were in the garage, she sat on top of her car, and I on mine.

"Well, I saw that Edward was planning on taking you on a vacation, and you lost control and murdered someone." I could tell she was editing.

"What else?"

"Uh…………… You would have shown everyone what we were and the Volterra killed you and.." I could tell this was getting hard for her, "And because you were gone, Edward committed suicide." I got up, and went over to hug her because she was crying tearless sobs.

"Alright. I get it now." I laid my head on her shoulder and faced the garage door, while I was trying to calm her down, I saw Edward walk in. He looked frustrated. I tapped into his mind; _I'm going to kill Alice for telling her that, it was completely unnecessary._

I let go of Alice, apparently she didn't see this coming, or she didn't care. I stretched my arms out as far as they would go. "Don't you dare." I glared at him.

"Why?" He retorted.

"At least she cares about me to tell me." I knew I hit a nerve when I saw him flinch, and I actually enjoyed it.

"I'm sorry." He muttered stepping towards me. I stepped back.

"Don't." I grabbed Alice's hand and pulled her out to my bedroom.

"No, I better go." She said walking toward her room. I was alone, I figured out why she left because a few moments later, Edward walked into the room.

I ignored him. "Let me explain," he started.

"No one's stopping you." I commented. He sighed; he could obviously tell I was being difficult. He sat down on the bed right next to me, as in, right next to me; he practically had to set me on his lap.

"Do you know how hard it is for a guy to explain about his weakness, to his weakness? Do you think I would be able to easily tell you that if you died, I would too? I love you, and.." he paused and sighed. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye; he looked sad, and so cute. I couldn't help myself; I leaned over and allowed myself a quick peck on the lips. He looked at me, and smiled. Instantly, his smile turned into a smirk, and a little glint in his eyes warned me something was going on.

Before I realized what was happening, Edward had me trapped. I was on my back on my bed, and he was on top of me, kissing me with force and urgency. At first I resisted, and tried to break free before I felt how incredibly……….. wonderful he felt. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and pulled him down closer to me. Every inch of him was on every inch of me.

I don't know how far we let our guilty pleasure go until, I found Edward and I half naked. I got up quickly from cuddling. I quickly got fully clothed as Edward did. I ran over and hugged him. I clung to him, my arms around his neck, and my legs around his waist. "Guess what?" I questioned. I was hyper.

"What?" he asked rolling his eyes, wrapping his arms around me, and kissing me.

Cliffy. Ooooh. What did she want to tell him?

I won't wait so longed for a next chapter, don't worry.


	15. Why me?

Ugh, I heard this song that would be perfect to add to my stories, but I can't find the song at all, the stupid radio station didn't say the song, or who wrote it. Grrr.

Song of the chapter- You picked me by A Fine Frenzy

Quote- "I ran into the dog kennel." – my friend.

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"I actually.." I was about to finish my sentence before Alice burst into the room. I turned to look at her, and slowly slide down, and out of Edward's arms. "Yes?" I asked, looking at her.

"Want to go shopping?" She asked all bubbly. I thought a second as I let my mind trace through what was left of my clothes. I smiled and released myself from Edward's restraining touch. I walked over and stuffed my large purse with my cell phone, and wallet.

"Sure. Let's go." I followed Alice out of the door. And soon, her and I were on the road to Seattle singing a song on the radio, neither of us knew the song, so it was fun to see what the other came up with, but of course Alice got it all right with her visions. It didn't take long to reach the Seattle city limits with our driving, but Emmett's jeep went a little slower than I preferred- but a large car for shopping is a large car- lots of storage.

Once we started through the mall, even without Jasper's power, I could feel all these teen girls self-esteem lower- and I felt bad for that. They were all pretty in their own way- even the girl with a bad perm and braces that I recognized from biology.

"Where do you want to go first?" Alice asked, I scanned the mall directory, and I was a step behind before Alice pulled me away. "You want to go to Forever 21, right?"

"I don't know," I stumbled behind her. I was overwhelmed, the mall I always used to go to, and five stores in it, and none of it was this good.

"Well, you're going, and you're going to buy a lot." I could tell she knew what she was talking about. It took me a minute to catch my footing, and walk beside her without a problem. "Ugh, why are we doing this?" I whined after she forced me a handful of clothes in the same size. "I should go try these on," I stated, as I started for the dressing room, she pulled me back and handed me more.

"Nope, it will all fit just fine, and Edward will love it." She said after handing me more, and gently adding a pair of heels on top. She grabbed as much clothes as she handed me, and headed for the registers. The poor girl working the register was obviously new, and overwhelmed. Her eyes looked huge when she saw how much just my total of clothes came too. It was one of those, "Honey, just wait until my friend is finished," moments. I chuckled to myself, and moved aside so Alice could finish.

After we walked out of that store with our many clothes, we went to the next, and decided to sit by the water fountain, and just relax, and act human. Once I sat down, Alice walked into a different store on the level above me for something else. I closed my eyes, and laid my head against the headrest. I felt someone looking at me, and I smelt a horrendous smell, one thing- werewolf. I knew about werewolves from my old home, I knew everything about them. I turned around and looked at the teenage boy staring at me. He was obviously one of the La Push werewolves the Cullen's told me about.

I continued to stare before I finally realized, that werewolf just imprinted with me! "Come on Jacob." I heard one of his friends say, waving a hand in front of his face, "Jacob Black." he said before the werewolf faced him again.

Shoot. This couldn't be happening. I quickly grabbed all my bags, and hurried up to Alice. "We have to leave now." I said urgently, pulling her out of the store, and out of the mall.

"What?" She questioned as soon as I was stuffing our stuff into the car.

"Get in." I ordered, heading towards the drivers seat. She quickly got into the passenger seat. I quickly headed towards Forks.

"Tell me." She ordered.

"A werewolf just imprinted on me." I stated, at her strange look I explained. "Imprinting it when they just…. it's like… love at first site, I guess." I explained while I weaved through traffic.

" Wait, let me get this right, they can't control it, they just love someone as soon as they see the right person?" She looked confused.

"Yeah." I said unhappily, as I watched her freeze and a blank expression cover her face. After a couple moments, her expression became normal and she laughed so hard. "What?" I questioned, extremely confused at what just happened.

"Our little pup is going to try to visit you tonight." She managed to say between laughs, but then her face became very serious. "That means we've gotta tell the others."

I groaned, " Edward's not going to like that at all." I mumbled, mostly to myself.

After we got home, and explained the story, everyone was on the floor laughing except Edward and I. Edward looked like he could murder someone, and I just didn't think it was funny because it happened to me.

Edward came and grabbed my hand. I leaned my head against his shoulder; I knew with Edward here, I didn't have to worry about anything.

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Aw. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I really didn't feel like updating, but I didn't know when I'd get another chance. 


	16. The Conversation

Sorry it took so long

Sorry it took so long! If anyone is still interested, leave comments and let me know.

Kay?

Quote of the chapter- to be sure of hitting the target, fire, and call whatever you hit the target.

Song of the chapter- criminal by Fiona apple.

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The whole family, myself included, was sitting around the coffee table, listening for any sound outside. When I saw Edward, out of the corner of my eye, straighten his back, and clench his jaw, I knew something was up. As soon as I came to that conclusion, there it was. We all heard it. It was the sound of an innocent teenage boy struggling on what to do.

I actually felt bad for him. He had chosen to come deal with a house full of vampires, instead of ignoring his imprint. I, honestly, have never had to make a decision that great, and I could imagine the fight he got into with his pack to come over.

I jumped when I felt something grab my hand. "He just wants to apologize, and ask you to beg him to stay away," I heard Edward whisper in my ear. I smiled at him, and unwove my hand from his.

"I need to do this on my own. We'll be over at the burger joint down the road. Stay here, 'kay?" I said, pointedly looking at Edward. "We'll be fine." I urged. I watched as he raised his hands in defeat.

I looked at them one last time before my encounter with the canine kind. I quietly closed the door behind me, and saw a tall, dark figure sitting on the porch. "Shall we go somewhere, or stay here?" he asked shyly. I smiled warmly at him.

"Up for a burger?" As I asked, I watched his face light up. I hopped into the driver seat of my new camaro, and motioned for him to jump in too. As soon as he did, the questions popped out of my mouth before I could hold them back. "Why me?" I whispered.

He sighed, and played with his key chain. "I don't know. You think I wanted to deal with the torment of the others for a bloodsucker?" His whispered voice turned cold. "I had no choice."

"I understand that, but, can't I un do anything, or repulse you in anyway, or something? I mean, I'm kind of with Edward, man." I shrugged in the dark, and I didn't expect him to actually see it.

"I get that." He growled. Then he smiled, " but at least it's the handsome one." He teased.

I laughed too, grateful for the comic relief. By this point, we were just walking into the fast food restaurant, and waiting in line to order.

"Are you hungry?" Jacob asked, pointedly motioning at the menu.

"Nah. Food doesn't sound all that great right now, and not even a drink sounds fantastic." I mentioned with false disappointment.

He smiled, and reached for my hand, and quickly pulled back. "Sorry."

We were both quiet for a bit, until I tripped on a little crack on the tile. After that, we were in a fit of giggles for a couple minutes, both of us slowly getting to know each other slightly better. Before we started to head home, I stopped at the border to drop him off at La Push. I got out too. "Fun meeting you Jacob."

"Call me Jake, and you too." I smiled as he winked at me. "And here, if you ever need to talk." I took the piece or paper from him, stuffed it in my pocket.

We hugged for a second before going our separate ways. As I drove home, all my thoughts were centered around Jake. Jacob Black, the werewolf.

I reeked of dog, and no one let me forget it. Everyone cautiously stayed away from me, with their nose wrinkled up. Edward stayed slightly closer to me.

"Jump in the shower, then come talk to me, please." He asked before I disappeared into the bathroom. The hot water felt nice, and I was glad that Edward couldn't read my mind right now. All my thoughts were still on the curious boy I met tonight, and actually got to know.

As I dried off, and slipped my jeans in the washer, taking my phone, and the piece of paper out, and sliding them into my desk drawer, I put on one of my new pajamas Alice bought me today.

I slipped into Edward's room, and waited on the couch while he picked out a movie for us to watch. While he decided on a recent movie, I grabbed a blanket for us to cuddle with.

"So, how was it?" He asked curiously, staring at my face for any change in mood.

"It went. Interesting kid." I could tell he didn't like that. He pressed his face to the top of my head, and breathed in my favorite strawberry shampoo.

"Just be safe." He murmured darkly.

"I will." Sarcastically mimicking his dark voice. He playfully swatted my arm, and hugged me.

"Well, since you have no desire to watch the movie, what do you want to do?" I asked innocently. I didn't get a real answer, but I got kind of scared when he slowly lowered his head towards mine, and pulled me closer to him. I felt a thrill when he touched me, but as soon as his lips almost touched mine, I moved my head to the side. "Not now." I whispered, as a surprised Edward's lips landed on my cheek.

"Why?" He asked softly, and I watched as his expression hardened, "Is it that mutt?"

I gasped, "no, no, no. Not at all. Just, this is all going a little too fast. Don't you think?" I asked hopelessly. I prayed that he'd understand, but still hold me.

"Alright." He said, but he gently got up and turned off the TV. I watched him move around his room. "I need to think a bit." He paused when he saw my worried expression. "About us. Not in the bad sense, but just a way I could slow us down. Okay? I'll be back in a couple days, I also need a hunting trip." I hadn't noticed how red his eyes were.

"Okay, Be safe," I whispered as I watched him leave. I'm positive I had a hurt expression on my face. I slowly went into my room, and lay on the bed, and closed my eyes.

My thoughts quickly returned to Jacob. _He was fun to hangout with. He's a cool friend. I bet he'd treat a woman right. I wonder what it'd be like to date him. WHOA. Back track. I can't be thinking about that. Ew. No. No Jake's for me. I have Edward_. The thought of Edward made me sad again, and I thought about how hurt I was when he left. I slowly got up, and grabbed that piece of paper. I looked and saw seven digits. A phone number. He did offer if I ever needed to talk, and right now, I needed to talk to someone. _Since Edward isn't here, I need my security blanket._

I slowly dialed in the seven numbers into my cell phone, after a couple rings a voice I knew too well answered the phone.

"Hello, Jacob. I need to talk."

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OH! Cliffy. Sorry it took forever, and sorry the chapter isn't that great.

:(


End file.
